I lived for three months in Central America earlier this year, and once I came back, I realized something.
My heart is now in two places.
And no matter which one I am in, a part of me will feel homesick. I'll never feel fully at home again.
Most of the time we think of having two homes as a wonderful thing, a welcoming thing, a warm thing. But now I know it can be a sad thing too. In gaining a second home, you lose the innocence of fully belonging. In gaining two homes, you lose the sense of being whole. Part of my heart will forever be where I am not. It's a loss of naiveté, in a way. And therefore, I suppose, it is just a part of growing up.
You realize something as you get older; there is very little in the world that is pure joy. Everything must come mixed with the bitter, as well as the sweet. Sometimes the best times become the hardest memories, the ones that make you cry the most. Sometimes the things you are most excited about are the very things you are stressed about. Sometimes the blessings of having so much to love come with the curses of always missing someone or something.
No one place on earth can be fully home for me anymore, but that's the way it was always supposed to be. I was created for heaven- and this gets clearer and clearer to me. Nowhere on earth can satisfy me because I wasn't made to stay here. Home isn't a place on the map. It isn't even "where the heart is," because my heart is in two places. No, home is where God is, and where I will one day go.
I can't wait to go home.
"I’ve traveled the world
Trying to find a Place
That I could call Home
Want to leave my trace
A legacy, a melody that
Leads us back to You
So I won’t Relent
Until I’m Home with You."
Home, a song by Evan Craft feat. CRYS
