Purpose Statement: This letter from a hotel in Amsterdam replys to a man's request to bring his 500 clams with him for his stay, informing him that it will not be possible in as polite a way as possible.
Dear Ted L. Nancy,
We have received your letter requesting three rooms from June 18-29 of this year for your 500 clams. We prioritize all of our guests' comfort and are glad you reached out to us! We take all requests and complaints seriously and will do everything we can to ensure that we make your experience with us the best possible.
We have read and considered your letter and looked into company policies regarding pets and animals. According to Section 3496, the only animals we allow in our rooms are small fish in a single, enclosed tank. Please refer to the full company policy here to learn more about what constitutes a "fish," and the limitations therein.
Unfortunately, this means we cannot allow clams to stay in our rooms. While we appreciate the lengths you have gone to make it as sanitary as possible, it would not only break policy but make it uncomfortable for our cleaning staff and other guests staying here at that time, along with presenting various health issues and possibly breaking Item 105 in the Health Code. We trust you understand and thank you for understanding and complying with our policy.
While we cannot house your clams, we would be happy to host you and any (human) friends you bring along for those same nights in June! We wish you the best of luck with your production AMSTERCLAM and thank you for wanting to stay with us while here in Amsterdam.
Sincerely,
The Amstel Hotel Management Team